Tuesday, December 28, 2010

A Blue Christmas

Dear Finn,

Loneliness is a pit that drills itself silly in my chest. I am one of the many who are blues-stricken this holiday season. And what I hate most is that there is no reason why I should be lonely.

I just came from an awesome family holiday vacation where the world's 8th wonder stands undefeated by the times. Banaue.

I just had a fabulous albeit quiet noche buena in my Lola's house.

I just received a good appraisal and two bonuses care of a hardworking chairman and a prolific 2010 the company had.

I have the the most inspiring bosses and the best officemates, the core team at least.

I have the best friends I could ask for. True, they may not be as accessible for a nightout in the middle of the week to drink and do stupid things with when I feel like it, but that's because they all live so far away and are frustratingly too busy (like me). But I share with them a connection, a deep once in a lifetime friendship, an intimacy I dare declare that I count myself lucky to have them.

I also have the best support system I could ever wish for: a loving set of parents, the most caring and amusing sisters and brother, the world's greatest grandmother.
I could not ask for more. So much so I count myself blessed that when asked what I want for Christmas, I can't even name one! Honestly. I am that lucky.

Okay fine, a higher salary wouldn't hurt, and more trips abroad, and all that. But those are just peripherals, added bonuses. Essentially, I have what I need and what I want, I don't mind working for and waiting to get.

So why do I feel so lonely?

There is no reason to. Or, is there? What is this weight in my chest? Like a teenager who listens to Dashboard Confessional, I ask what is this hollow growing inside? Damn.

That aside, a festive New Year to ya'll! I hope you had a merry little Christmas.


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